Are you a Complainer?

I speak often about the good reasons to stop judging and I stand by its importance but there is a close cousin to judging, two close cousins actually – complaining and gossiping.

Complaining, fault finding, and blaming all live in the same realm. All are incredibly toxic and, left to their own devices, can have long-term consequences for your mind and your health along with destroying your relationships and the way that you engage the world. They also fall into the same category as judging. They are the more active part, this is where you take your judgments and put them out in the world – place them upon individuals and wonder why your life sucks.

Let’s establish this up front. Even if you feel justified, even if you are dealing with a knucklehead who drives you crazy, even if the whole world would agree with you about what you are complaining about – to be healthy you must not let that toxic stuff leave your mouth. You must not give life to it by sharing it with another human being. If you are complaining about something that you can change, CHANGE it, do something positive about it. If you really truly can’t find a way to change it, live with what is going on by seeking to understand it. People who drive you crazy need your compassion not your complaints.  

You are complaining because you think something is wrong, someone is wrong, or something is intolerable. Got it. But complaining is like pouring fuel on the fire of your upset, getting burned from it along the way and wondering why. By complaining you are placing your active, co-creative attention on this thing/person but wondering why it is so hard. This incessant action rewires your brain and eventually convinces you that you are right and the person or situation is wrong. Now you get to feel justified but misery follows.  Here’s where that old adage comes in: do you want to be right or be happy?

While your complaining causes your brain to be rewired in a life-limiting direction, your body in response to all this spoken and unspoken activity releases cortisol into your body. Cortisol is meant to support you in times of a truly threatening situation, but through the incessant complaining, your brain releases cortisol into your body and this in turn can have ill effects as supporting high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, obesity, and heart disease.

THIS IS TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY FOR THE SATISFACTION THAT BITCHING, MOANING, AND COMPLAINING BRING YOU.

Spending effort to change this habit is worth all your time and attention. How does one do this?

Begin by realizing the impact of complaining upon your mind, life, body, and relationships. When complaining ask yourself: Is this something I can change? If yes, do so, if not, find the blessing wherever possible. In a journal, begin to track your complaints – not because you want to gather them all in one place, but because you want to increase your awareness of what needs to change. Replace each complaint with this statement: I bless this person/situation and I free myself from its ill effects. Do this whether you believe it or not. Take charge of your mind and reactions and the rewards will follow.
DO IT NOW!